Miscellaneous

Top Ten Reasons Our Competitors Would Use Houndstooth Carpet Cleaning

(10). Their workman can watch us clean as a training exercise.

 (9). They feel left out, not being part of the over 500,000 satisfied customers.

 (8). As much as they like to add on "trip charges," it's hard to justify it for their own house.

 (7). They want to get their carpets sparkly clean for the photos in their ads.

 (6). They're not so sure they'll still be in business the day of the appointment.

 (5). The same reason Boxcar Willie listened to Beethoven instead of his own stuff.

 (4). They think our hound logo is "so cute."

 (3). They need someone to clean up the mess they made in an attempt to clean it themselves.

 (2). They might as well use us. They use our ad format.

 (1). It's hard to bait and switch yourself.

Top Ten Reasons The French Would Use Houndstooth

(10). You've never seen a water damage until you've seen a bidet malfunction.

 (9). They need their white carpets as white as possible, in case they run out of white flags.

 (8). Their carpets have become fertile ground for truffle cultivation.

 (7). They know they'd surrender immediately to any bait-and-switch tactics from our competitors. 

 (6). Their rugs are beginning to smell like Pepe Le Pew.

 (5). "Oui, Monsieur Houndstooth, how are you at removing Chateauneuf du Pape, Domaine de Villeneuve, vintage 1986 spills from carpets?"

(4). After we clean their carpets, there will be at least one other American besides Jerry Lewis whom they'll consider "genius."

(3). They figure our outstanding bargains might begin to balance out the short end of the deal they got in the Louisiana Purchase.

(2). Lance Armstrong has left bicycle grease stains all over the country.

(1). After their fine gift to us of Lady Liberty, we owe them a good bargain.

 

Top Ten Reasons Biblical People Would Use Houndstooth Carpet Cleaning

(10). Noah has quite a bit of water that needs extracting (not to mention a severe "pet odor" problem).

 (9). Methuselah hasn't had his carpet cleaned in six centuries and figures it's about time.

 (8). After selling his birthright, Jacob is looking for the best deal possible to remove those messy pottage stains.

 (7). Onan needs us for reasons best not discussed here.

 (6). Having scouted our competition, Caleb discovered there are giant bait and switchers in the land.

 (5). Job is losing patience with the messy rugs surrounding his ash heap.

 (4). Elisha needs someone to clean up the chariot grease left by Elijah.
 
 (3). Joseph's carpet is beginning to resemble his coat.

 (2). Upon his return from Nineveh, Jonah tracked whale bile onto the carpet.

 (1). With all that wisdom, who else would Solomon choose?


Top Ten Reasons Storybook Characters Would Use Houndstooth

(10). Seconds before leaving Kansas, a frightened Toto had an accident on the rug.

 (9). Just imagine the mess at Pinocchio's house during pollen season before the invention of Kleenex.

 (8). Only the fairest carpet cleaning company of them all could make it through the looking glass to clean up after the Mad Hatter's tea party.

 (7). "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum: I smell a mess on the ottoman."

 (6). Ever wonder how Winnie the Pooh got his name?

 (5). You try extracting Granny from a wolf's mouth without making a mess on the carpet. 

 (4). That pig in the brick house recommended us to his buddies to clean up the wood and straw debris from their carpets.

 (3). Ever tried to clean up after seven slovenly dwarfs living under one roof?

 (2). And to make matters worse: Sleepy's replacement: Greasy!

 (1). As Goldilocks says, "This carpet cleaning company is just right."


Top Ten Reasons Peanuts Characters Would Use Houndstooth

(10). Since nothing else has worked, Charlie Brown's hoping immaculate carpets will impress the little red-headed girl.

 (9). The price structure of our competitors is about as clear as his teacher's voice.

 (8). When Linus visits, the tail end of his blanket gets too soiled to use.

 (7). His Christmas tree simply isn't full enough to cover up carpet stains.

 (6). The bait and switch tactics of our competitors is rivaled only by Lucy with the football.

 (5). Heavy traffic areas at the terminals.., oh wait, that's the Fulton County Airport; never mind.

 (4). Someone needs to clean up the results of the visit from the entire Daisy Hill puppy farm.

 (3). It looks as though the Red Baron engaged in some carpet bombing in the den.

 (2). Woodstock's accidental droppings make the place look like the aftermath of the original Woodstock.

 (1). Pig Pen paid a visit.


Top Ten Reasons The Hobbits Would Use Houndstooth

(10). One can no longer tell if that stuff on Frodo's feet is carpet or hobbit fur.

 (9). Sauron cast a spell over our competitors, forcing them to bait and switch. 

 (8). The only thing more unsightly than Pippin's carpet is the dental work on the Orcs.

 (7). Gandalf (being Walter Huston in disguise) tracked in mud from the Sierra Madres.

 (6). We'll make your carpet stains disappear as fast as Frodo at the bottom of a pile of wringwraiths.

 (5). Little known fact: Farmer Maggot got his name from the condition of his carpet.

 (4). Upset at being bypassed for the movie, Tom Bombadil went on an angry dancing rampage in Sam's hobbit-hole, trashing the carpet.

 (3). Who else besides us could clean up the mess from Bilbo's Eleventy First birthday party?

 (2). Six meals a day automatically doubles the soiling of the kitchen carpet.

 (1). That middle-earth red clay is brutal. 

 

Top 10 Shakespearean Reasons To Use Houndstooth Carpet Cleaning

(10). What’s in a name? Houndstooth by any other name, would clean as well.

( 9). And dog poop by any other name would smell as bad.

( 8). We get your carpet as you like it.

( 7). Overheard at our competitor’s: “What fools these mortals be.”

( 6). Measure for measure, we offer the best cleaning money can buy.

( 5). Something is rotten on the den carpet, as well as in the state of Denmark.

( 4). The last time you used our competition, it was a comedy of errors.

( 3). That too too solid fried chicken flesh left a stain on the dining room carpet.

( 2). Your carpets are muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty.

( 1). Yelling "out damn spot" at the carpet just hasn’t worked.

TOP TEN REASONS FAMOUS AUTHORS WOULD USE HOUNDSTOOTH

(10). Even O'Henry doesn't like the "surprise endings" that some of our competitors offer when they present their bill.

(9). T. S. Eliot is sick of his friends calling the carpet in his den Waste Land II.

(8). It turns out that Jean Paul Sartre's nausea wasn't existential at all; he just had stinky carpets.

(7). Our great cleaning results would even cheer up Thomas Hardy.

(6). Dudley Moore knows that we...., oops, we need to save that one for "Famous Arthurs."

(5). Faulkner likes the sound and the fury of our powerful cleaning machines.

(4). Flannery O'Connor hopes that peacock pee is included in our "pet odor removal."

(3). Mimsy are the brillig borogroves on Lewis Carroll's slithy carpets.

(2). Thomas Wolfe's wife to Tom: "If something is not done about that nasty carpet in your study, you can't go home again."

(1). Dickens knows that it is a far, far better cleaning that we offer than has ever been offered before.

TOP TEN REASONS OTHER STATES WISH THEY HAD HOUNDSTOOTH

(10). Alaskans would love to see a "Whole Igloo (regardless of size) Special."

(9). Rhode Islanders figure that since no job is too small for us, there is probably no state too small.

(8). People in Massachusetts like our very liberal "satisfaction guaranteed" policy.

(7). Floridians are tired of Al Gore crawling around their carpets looking for tracked-in chads.

(6). Nevadans know that we are a sure bet.

(5). Hawaiians are still suffering the aftermath of greasy-kid's stuff stains from Jack Lord's dripping hair.

(4). Nebraskans like the corny nature of our Top Ten lists.

(3). Texans know that we can rid their carpets of blots and stains quicker than Old Sparky rids their prisons of the same.

(2). Oklahomans realize that with our same day service, we can get to their house sooner than other companies.

(1). In Iowa, even cleaning carpet sounds exciting.



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