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TOP TEN REASONS OUR FOUNDING FATHERS WOULD HAVE USED HOUNDSTOOTH
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Washington's men forgot to wipe their feet after crossing the Delaware.
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They need to spruce up before the big Boston Tea Party.
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They haven't coined enough money to afford our competitors.
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After using half a bottle of ink to sign his name, that Hancock guy spilled the other half.
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We're the only thing the Federalists and the Whigs agree upon.
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Quartering five hundred Redcoats in your home wreaks havoc upon the carpet.
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Someone needs to clean up the debris from that Hamilton-Burr scuffle.
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Every time they have a bad hair day, they spill wig powder on the carpet.
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Two words: musket grease.
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Our founding mothers told them to.