Top Ten Reasons Mayberry Residents Would Use Houndstooth to Clean their Ducts

10. Aunt Bee is tired of Opie's "history club" writing dates in the dust on the coffee table.

9. Our duct cleaning equipment is more powerful than ten loaded goats.

8. Andy and Opie hid Aunt Bee's infamous pickles in the duct work; and their smell is apparently worse than the taste.

7. Howard Sprague's ventilation system is so bad that Rafe Hollister penned a song called The Ballad of Howard's Ducts.

6. Barney's reaction upon seeing one single mold spore: "Nip it, nip it, nip the bud."

5. The inside of Otis' ductwork is starting to resemble his liver.

4. Barney needs someone to eliminate the odors created by his hot plate, unauthorized by Mrs. Mendelbright.

3. Emmett's decision to use a plunger to clean the ducts in his "fix-it" shop just doesn't cut it.

2. Barney's plans for the evening: "Grab a bottle of pop, watch a little TV and get Thelma Lou's ducts cleaned."

1. A town with such good clean living deserves good clean air.


10. The dust on your coffee table is so thick you can write your name on it in raised letters.

9. Visitors have nicknamed your hallways "Dusty Roads."

8. Your duct system is so nasty that even Bruce Willis would refuse to crawl through it.

7. Your dust mites have begun inviting over other critters into your ductwork for spelunking expeditions.

6. Ken Cook wants to examine those cumulonimbus clouds that are condensing around the dust floating in your family room.

5. Based on the odor emanating from your vents, you're wondering if your dust mites have halitosis.

4. There is so much dust in your house, you've developed an uncontrollable desire to migrate to Bakersfield, CA.

3. Their feathers are not as shiny as...wait a minute. We clean ducts, not ducks.

2. From their facial expressions, you're wondering if visitors to your house detect those bad odors, or if their just doing lousy Mike Krzyzewski impressions.

1. Even your dust mites are sneezing.

Ten More Reasons to Get Your Air Ducts Cleaned by Houndstooth

(10). Your ducts are more clogged than Michael Moore's arteries after his weekly Cheeze Whiz party.

( 9). From the condition of your ducts, you're wondering whether to call a duct cleaning company or mining excavators.

( 8). Air flows through your ducts at the speed of a Duke fullback running through Alabama's defensive line.

( 7). After hearing that "from dust we come, and to dust we go," Junior cried, "Mommy, look inside our vents; someone's either comin' or goin'."

( 6). Entire civilizations of dust mites are warring with one another in your ductwork.

( 5). Your dust bunnies are multiplying as fast as..…well, … as bunnies.

( 4). Every time you turn on the air conditioning unit, you're somehow reminded of the rock group Kansas.

( 3). Newer, stronger and beefed-up dust mites are evolving in your ventilation system.

( 2). Your six-year old practises writing his A-B-C's on your coffee table dust.

( 1). In spite of the versatility of duct tape, it just doesn't help in cleaning the ducts.