TOP TEN REASONS THE PILGRIMS WOULD HAVE USED HOUNDSTOOTH IF WE HAD BEEN AROUND THEN
(10). We're an even better deal than the purchase of Manhattan for $10.
(9). They checked our perfect record out with the Jamestown Better Business Bureau.
(8). They tried unsucessfully to litter train a flock of turkeys.
(7). Heavy ash stains on the carpets in the village of Salem.
(6). Dandruff cleanup is needed from all the loose scalps that litter the carpet.
(5). Having read the works of John Calvin, they are convinced that they are predestined to use us.
(4). Betty White recommended us.
(3). Jonathan Edwards gleefully told them that they would roast in hell if their carpets were as dirty as their souls.
(2). We're the only company that would not be suspicious of John Smith's name if he were to set up an appointment.
(1). They know we are as solid as Plymouth Rock.
TOP TEN THINGS HOUNDSTOOTH IS THANKFUL FOR:
(10). Shag carpet has finally gone the way of mood rings and bean bag chairs.
(9). Most houses in metro Atlanta are smaller than those in Alpharetta; otherwise we'd go broke.
(8). The Welsh did not land at Plymouth Rock, since "Houndstooth Carpet Cleaning" has a better ring to it than "Nghdaint Garped Yn Glanhau."
(7). Those sod floors of our early settlers did not remain fashionable for more than a couple of centuries.
(6). So far the Biltmore House has not called for our "Entire House Special."
(5). Furman Bisher, who gave us this idea and was much better at it.
(4). God, Mom and apple pie, especially when the latter falls on Mom's carpet.
(3). People don't normally keep horses as indoor pets.
(2). Pauly Shore has made very few movies.
Top Ten Reasons Santa Claus Would Use Houndstooth
(10). Those Keebler elves left lots of cookie crumbs from their unsuccessful coup.
(9). Mrs. Claus is a great cook, but a lousy housekeeper.
(8). The Abonimable Snowman left an abominable mess.
(7). When his best buddy Frosty paid a visit, half his torso melted onto the carpet.
(6). The one time he used our competitors, when they presented him the bill, he shook like a bowl full of jelly.
(5). Chimney soot from a billion homes is quite noticeable.
(4). Rudolph isn't housebroken.
(3). Those partridges made a real mess in the transfer from cage to pear tree.
(2). When it comes to being bad or good, he knows we've been good for goodness sake.
(1). Two words: WASSAIL STAINS!
Top 10 Reasons Columbus Would Use Houndstooth Carpet Cleaning
(10). Unlike the carpets in the Nina and the Pinta, the ones in the Santa Maria were never Scotchgarded.
( 9). Although sailing under the Spanish flag, he was Italian, and we all know what a mess a little spilled ravioli can make.
( 8). He once used one of our bait & switch competitors, and now dismisses them as "flat-earthers."
( 7). Sometimes even the most seasoned sailor can get seasick.
( 6). Those cigar ashes and the bottom of his dirty raincoat scraping the carpet, oops, sorry, that would be ColumBO, not ColumBUS.
( 5). He's not upset that we are working on his Day.
( 4). Some crew members partied a little too hard during that stopover at the Canary Islands and got sick on the galley carpets.
( 3). He agreed to take Queen Isabella's chihuahua on his third voyage, and obviously couldn't "let him out to walk."
( 2). The condition of the carpets in the quarterdeck is so atrocious, that some sailors are opting to walk the plank.
( 1). Magellan recommended us.
Top 10 Reasons the Easter Bunny Would Use Houndstooth
(10). How many times has he told his buddy Peter Cottontail not to take that muddy old Bunny Trail to his house when visiting?
(9). That wascally wabbit friend of his littered pieces of carrot all over his carpet.
(8). After the seasonal stress of seeing all those beheaded chocolate bunnies, he doesn't need the trauma of our bait and switch competitors.
(7). While his friend Harvey may be invisible, it's too bad the mess he made on the carpets is not.
(6). He's auditioning for a part in Beatrix Potter's new book, "Peter Rabbit's Remarkably Radiant Rugs."
(5). Splat! "OK, who's the wise guy who's hiding raw eggs under the sofa cushion for the Easter egg hunt?"
(4). Heavily worn traffic areas that his colleague, the Energizer Bunny, keeps going and going and going over.
(3). He knows we can get the tar out of his carpet left over from Br'er Rabbit's last visit.
(2). He himself is not potty trained.
(1). Even though he may not be for real, he knows our prices are.
Ten More Reasons The Easter Bunny Would Use Houndstooth
10. He has been practicing his egg hiding techniques on the carpet soil.
9. He's been tracking in mud from that Bunny Trail he keeps hopping down.
8. A now senile Elmer Fudd, confusing him with someone else, has littered the carpet with shotgun shells.
7. All those pesky, frilly baskets grass clippings.
6. He is hosting the next "Mythological Characters" meeting and knows that Jack Frost will lie all over the carpet soil if not cleaned up.
5. He knows that we will not laugh when he sets up the appointment under the name of "Cottontail, Peter."
4. Most of the advertised prices of our competitors are about as believeable as his existence.
3. The tooth fairy recommended us.
2. He, himself, is not litter trained.
1. Hippety, hoppety, Easter's on it's way.
Top Ten Reasons Famous Fathers Would Use Houndstooth
(10). Before he can continue his courtship, Eddie's father needs to clean up a mess mysteriously made by David (aka Bruce) Banner.
(9). Leave it to Beaver to track mud from Metzger's Field onto Ward's carpet.
(8). Charlie Sheen needs...oops, sorry: Better save that one for "Infamous Fathers."
(7). With one mere phone call, Evander can get all of his offsprings' carpet cleaned (before Mike Tyson eats them).
(6). An unsightly mixture of cigar ashes and Jello pudding pop needs to be cleaned from Heathcliff Huxtable's carpet.
(5). Rob Petrie needs someone to clean that ottoman he keeps tripping over.
(4). Earl "Fatha" Hines has many coffee spills around his piano.
(3). Although everyone may love Raymond, they hate the condition of his carpet.
(2). Abraham is tired of hearing his two sons scuffle over who is responsible for tracking in camel dung.
(1). Concerning carpet cleaning, Robert Young (aka Jim Anderson) Knows Best.
TEN REASONS FAMOUS MOTHERS WOULD USE HOUNDSTOOTH
(10). Whistler's Mom refuses to leave her rocker until those messy paint spots on the carpet are removed.
(9). After being told that the cupboard was bare, Mother Hubbard's dog left a deposit on her carpet.
(8). Norman Bates' mother likes our same day service for those occasional emergency messes on her carpet.
(7). Jerry Van Dyke's mother leaked transmission fluid on the living room carpet.
(6). While doing housework, Mrs. Cleaver's high heels keep tripping over carpet debris.
(5). After eating that apple, Eve isn't about to listen to the serpent's new suggestion that she use our bait and switch competitors.
(4). Catherine Zeta-Jones' husband spilled Geritol on the den carpets.
(3). Having been forbidden by Darrin from using her nose, Samantha knows that we're the next best thing to performing magic on her carpets.
(2). Between Archie's beer spills and her meathead son-in-law's goulash stains, Edith can stifle herself no longer.
(1). Carol Brady has to clean up after the Brady Brunch.
TOP TEN REASONS HALLOWEEN MONSTERS & GHOULS WOULD USE HOUNDSTOOTH
(10). After his recent encounter with one of our bait-and-switch competitors, Casper is now the Not So Friendly Ghost.
(9). When The Fly screeched, "help me, help me," he was actually desperately seeking someone to clean larvae residue from his rugs.
(8). We're the only company that doesn't seem to turn The Incredible Hulk green.
(7). Every time the Creature from the Black Lagoon comes home from work, he creates a small water damage.
(6). Dr. Jekyll knows that our technicians are personable enough to handle even Mr. Hyde if he were to make a sudden appearance.
(5). Cyclops has had his eye out for a superior carpet cleaning company for some time now.
(4). After crawling on the floor looking for his contact lens, Freddy Krueger now needs us to repair the rips in his carpet.
(3). Lurch loves the fact that our cleaning goes even deeper than his voice is.
(2). The Invisible Man is tired of becoming invisible from mere embarrassment over his soiled carpets.
(1). Wolfman is not potty trained.
TOP TEN REASONS U.S. PRESIDENTS WOULD HAVE USED HOUNDSTOOTH
(10) Washington's men forgot to wipe their feet after crossing the Delaware.
(9) Every time Jefferson had a bad hair day, he spilled wig powder on the carpet.
(8) After dealing with the bait and switch tactics of our competitors, James Monroe decided he'd rather spend that exorbitant amount of money on the Louisiana Purchase.
(7) Rutherford B. Hayes would just be delighted that we recognize his name.
(6) Gerald Ford needed his carpet stretched to prevent his continually tripping over the ripples.
(5) Jimmy Carter likes the fact that he can get his entire house carpets cleaned for mere peanuts.
(4) Ronald Reagan would be able to successfully employ his favorite motto toward the quality of our work: trust but verify.
(3) Bill Clinton had a particularly stubborn stain on the Oval Office carpet.
(2) George W. Bush finally found those WMDs: World's Messiest Ducts.
(1) Honest Abe's main criterion for choosing a carpet cleaner; you guessed it: Honesty.
TOP TEN REASONS OUR FOUNDING FATHERS WOULD HAVE USED HOUNDSTOOTH
(10). Washington's men forgot to wipe their feet after crossing the Delaware.
(9). They need to spruce up before the big Boston Tea Party.
(8). They haven't coined enough money to afford our competitors.
(7). After using half a bottle of ink to sign his name, that Hancock guy spilled the other half.
(6). We're the only thing the Federalists and the Whigs agree upon.
(5). Quartering five hundred Redcoats in your home wreaks havoc upon the carpet.
(4). Someone needs to clean up the debris from that Hamilton-Burr scuffle.
(3). Every time they have a bad hair day, they spill wig powder on the carpet.
(2). Two words: musket grease.
(1). Our founding mothers told them to.
TOP TEN REASONS FAMOUS LOVERS WOULD USE HOUNDSTOOTH
(10). Frankly, even though Rhett doesn't give a damn, Scarlett needs someone to clean up the mess Sherman's soldiers made on Tara's carpet.
(9). If Alice Kramden doesn't do something soon about the condition of their carpets, Ralph may once again threaten to put her in lunar orbit.
(8). Barney Fife needs to get his place spruced up before his big bottle-of-pop, TV watching date with Thelma Lou.
(7). Romeo to Juliet: "That light breaking through yonder window shows how dirty the castle carpet really is."
(6). John and Yoko know that we're the only ones who can remove the Goo Goo Ga Joob from their carpet.
(5). Priscilla is tired of Elvis' blue suede shoes tracking in a hunka-hunka pile of mud.
(4). David to Bathsheba: "This carpet looks as dirty as my soul feels for having ever gotten involved with you."
(3). After Michelle told Barack that they could never remove that 22 year-old stain in the Oval Office, the President replied: "Yes we can."
(2). After Lucy used one of our bait and switch competitors, Ricky told her that she had "lots of 'splainin' to do."
(1). Neither Lady nor the Tramp are housebroken.